Jade.postpartum

 As the year draws to a close I thought I would write one last blog. I started the year 2020 with a list of goals and was optimistic and determined to tick them all off! I don’t think anyone could have predicted the events that would unfold and shake up our whole lives let alone our New Years resolutions! 😅 One of the goals that I did achieve this year however, was to start a blog and that I did. I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you and I’m grateful for those who’ve supported and encouraged me along the way. I think this will be my last entry for this blog and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading along.  It’s certainly been a bumpy ride for me this year and the list of things I’ve achieved may not be a long one but I am proud of myself for getting through this difficult year. I’m feeling optimistic for the future and looking forward to starting 2021 with some new and exciting things coming my way. I could write a big list of all the things that sucked about this year but I still think

  Lockdown is over here in Melbourne and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted. There are still lots of rules to follow and things we can’t do yet (like visit family interstate) but that taste of “freedom” and the beginnings of a return to normality (at least “COVID normal”  😅 ) feels so good. 2020 will be known as the “Year that the world stopped”. Being forced to stop everything does have it’s benefits, and has hopefully given us some new and better perspectives.  For me personally it has been a reminder to always be prepared; To not take the simple things for granted.  To take better care of myself physically and mentally And to cherish and love every moment spent with friends and family.  Looking back on this year I feel sadness, disappointment and hurt, but scattered amongst the negativity are brightly shining blessings that I am truly grateful for... My beautiful son and the joy he brings, My loving and devoted husband, Support from caring friends and family, And the peace

 I’m stuck in a hospital bed waiting for surgery (been here about 26 hrs now 🤪) and boredom has reduced me to writing another blog entry 😂 I’ve been experiencing episodes of horrendous pain which is mostly felt in my upper back. This has been happening every few weeks for over a year now and absolutely nothing will ease it...I just have to wait until it passes which is usually about an hour or so. I was seeing the physio thinking the problem was my back (because that was where I felt the most pain), but I started to realise that my stomach would get very bloated and sore too and I would get nauseous and sometimes vomit. The pains felt similar to labour, but unlike contractions there were no breaks... just constant almost unbearable pain. I thought maybe I was intolerant to something I was eating because the pains would always come on not long after eating dinner. I spoke to my GP and straight away he said it sounded like gallstones and wanted me to get an ultrasound to check. The ult

What a crazy year it’s been so far amirite!? 🤪 Living in Melbourne and being in isolation/lockdown for most of the year has made an already challenging stage of life even more lonely and difficult. My mental health has really been suffering lately and I’m sure there are many others feeling it too. Not even being able to go outside without a mask on truly makes me feel like I’m suffocating sometimes.  I know things could be worse and there are people going through harder things than this...but right now, in my life, this is incredibly hard for me. I miss my family and friends in Adelaide that I haven’t seen since January and wonder when I’ll be able to see them again... Oscar is one in a few days and it’s upsetting that we can’t celebrate together and that my family has had to miss out on most of his first year.  I’m trying my best to push past my feelings and be present and patient and happy for my little boy, but more and more I’m finding myself frustrated and snappy and fed up with

Oscar will be a year old next month and I’m already feeling so emotional about it!😭 What a year! I actually feel proud of myself for making it through...we’ve had some really challenging times. Being a mum is HARD! It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it’s definitely rewarding at the same time. The other week I was trying to put Oscar to bed and he was fighting it hard (as always). By the end of the day my patience is worn, I’m exhausted and it’s so frustrating when baby thinks it’s party time instead of sleepy time! 🙃🙃🙃 I starting crying and Oscar looked at me, very concerned... he crawled up to me and cuddled me as if to comfort me and after a few minutes he was asleep. It was such a beautiful moment and definitely made me feel like all the struggles are worth it for moments like that 🥰 It’s amazing how fast babies grow and develop and even though the days can seem so long sometimes, it really does go by so quickly! I love watching Oscar learn new things and he is so p

“A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.” - Coco Chanel I’ve heard this quote a few times and I find it interesting because it rings true with me. I cut my hair short again this week. This is the third time in my life I’ve gone for the dramatic long to short hairstyle. I love having long hair but there’s something liberating about cutting it all off! The first time I did it I was 19, just got braces, lost a bunch of weight and finally found a job after a year of unemployment. I felt awkward about the braces but losing the weight and starting work felt so good. Chopping off my hair symbolised a big change in my life and gave me a new confidence in myself. I loved that time of my life. The next time I went for the chop I was 24. I quit my job, went on a USA trip and broke up with my boyfriend. Seemed fitting to cut off my hair again. I felt confident and comfortable in my skin again and not long after the change of hairstyle I met my husband. This was another wonderf

I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic lately and today I was going through my photos and taking a trip down memory lane. I don’t think it’s the healthiest of habits, but I often find myself thinking about the past and longing for certain aspects of my life to be how they once were... Since having Oscar my days have become quite repetitive and monotonous... especially these past few months in isolation. Even though I consider myself a bit introverted and antisocial, not being able to go out and socialise has affected my mental health significantly. I didn’t really make the connection until restrictions started being lifted and I started going out and doing things again. It makes a huge difference! My moods have been lifted and my thoughts are not so negative. I still have bad days but I no longer feel like I’m spiraling into the depths of depression and hopelessness which I was for a while there. When I look at old photos there are a lot of things that I miss. I miss my family. I mis

I wanna take a minute to talk about sleep 😅 As I’ve mentioned previously, my son Oscar is a terrible sleeper (good thing he’s cute 😉). As a first time mum I listened to all the advice, read all the books and tried all the “techniques” to get Oscar sleeping through the night. For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with him or something wrong with my mothering... I felt so much stress and anxiety about Oscar’s sleep. I was trying to follow schedules, trying to get him to “self-soothe” trying to follow all the advice I had heard to help him sleep better. I appreciate everyone who tried to help us I really do. Being a mum is tough especially when you’re sleep-deprived. For me personally though, sleep-training and letting my baby “cry-it-out” just doesn’t feel right. I’m not judging those that do, it just isn’t something I’m willing to do. Things got better for us when I found a group on Facebook that was full of mums with babies who didn’t like to sleep either 😅 m

Again I find myself putting off writing another blog entry because I want to be feeling better before doing so...However, I find that writing out my thoughts and feelings does help me to feel (at least a bit) better, especially somewhere others can read if they choose. It helps me to feel like someone is listening and your responses really have helped me to feel that I’m not alone in my struggles.  I know I’m not alone, I know I have supportive people around me who are there for me if I need them...I do want to say though that when I’m hurting, when I’m feeling down and in a spiral of negative thoughts, one of the most constant and re-occurring thoughts (lies) that keeps playing in my head is... “nobody cares about you” It’s like a horrible song playing in the background that I can’t figure out how to turn off. I can distract myself, keep busy and do things so I can’t hear that background music but when I’m alone with my thoughts again it plays loudly and it’s consuming... As I’m wr

This is a little scary for me to open up about but I feel like my previous posts have been leading up to it and I’m just continuing on from where I left off... This week I finally built up the courage to talk to a professional about my mental health. If I am being completely honest with myself I have to admit that overall I am not doing ok. I have moments where I feel ok, moments of happiness, moments of peace, moments of satisfaction but most of the time I have a lingering feeling of anxiety and a tendency for my thoughts to spiral and dwell on the negative. I have grown used to not getting a good nights sleep, but after particularly bad nights I do feel quite down and depressed. I used to think that mental illness looked the same on everyone...I had a stereotypical picture of what depression and anxiety was and because I didn’t look like that picture, I thought that I didn’t have those problems...for the longest time I’ve been in denial and kept telling myself I’m fine, I’ll be fine

It’s been a while since my last post 😅 To be honest I haven’t been in a good headspace and I wanted to wait til I was feeling a little better. Everything that’s going on in the world right now has added to my anxieties and overall feeling of uneasiness. I’m sure there are probably a lot of you reading this that have also been feeling a similar way. Being cooped up inside all day isn’t the best for mental health, but it’s important that we do and I’m sure we all know the reasons why by this point. On Good Friday the Prophet/leader of my church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) instigated a global Fast in response to the virus. Those who participated went without food and water for the day and offered their prayers along with this small sacrifice to plead with God for relief from the pandemic. Although I wasn’t able to avoid food and water due to breastfeeding, I still joined in this fast and spent the day in prayer and meditation. Whether or not this global fast b

I didn’t want to post anything about this topic because it’s absolutely everywhere! In saying that, it’s hard to think of anything else to talk about because of how consuming it has become. I’ll admit, a month or so ago when I first started hearing about Coronavirus, I didn’t think it was a big deal. I didn’t think it would escalate so dramatically. Now it has become a self-isolating, social-distancing, stock-piling pandemic! As a Christian, I was brought up being taught that in the “last days” (Before the Second Coming of Jesus Christ) There will be wars, famines, earthquakes and pestilence (which I now know is fatal, widespread disease). These things have been happening all over the world for many years, but I personally have not been affected by any of them until now... I kind of feel like I’m in a bit of a bubble at the moment...kind of in disbelief. I know this is a big deal. I know it has affected so many lives and will continue to do so. But it still hasn’t sunk in yet...

I’ve never been diagnosed but I’m 99% sure I have social anxiety.  It’s not extreme to the point where I’m agoraphobic or have panic attacks, but I definitely do not feel comfortable in most social settings. I HATE being the centre of attention 😅 As much as I loved my wedding day I did feel  uncomfortable having all eyes on me. I don’t like parties and especially don’t like hosting them. 🙃 Buuuut at the same time I don’t like spending too much time alone either. I have always valued my friends and made them a high priority in my life. Moving to Melbourne was challenging for a number of reasons and one of the biggest ones was not having any friends close by. I feel that the older I get the harder it is to “put myself out there” and make friends. Fortunately as a member of the church I automatically am part of a group of people I can make friends with. However, for someone like me who is not outgoing, it is still a challenge. I used to get so upset about losing friends but I’m now

Today was rough. Saturday has become the day of the week I look forward to most. I’ve started a yoga class and I’m really enjoying it (mostly enjoying the hour and a half to myself to be honest 😅). So it was a good start to the day but after picking up Oscar from his Grandma’s it all went downhill.  Jordan usually finishes work early on Saturday which is another thing I look forward to...Not today 😩 I don’t know why but absolutely everything was upsetting Oscar today. Nothing I did was good enough. Breastfeeding is usually the one thing that will always calm him down but even that wasn’t enough today.  It. was. Driving. Me. Crazy! 🤪 Jordan finally comes home...hallelujah! Pass him the baby! 😂 Baby is happy for a short amount of time while I shower then back to being upset 😩  I’m trying to keep it together because we had planned to go out for dinner (cheat meal after eating healthy all week! 🥳) So I’m going through my wardrobe looking for something nice to wear and NOTH

Oscar is now 6 months old and last night I spent some time reflecting on those 6 months. It’s strange because on one hand it feels like it’s gone so quickly and I’m shocked he’s already half a year old! On the other it’s been the slowest and most challenging 6 months of my life 😅 I like journaling because putting my thoughts on paper causes me to reflect more deeply and look for purpose and meaning to the events and circumstances of my life. When I’m writing in my actual journal I like to flick back and compare my situation with my last entry and see how much has changed. Last night I was thinking about my happiness and how lately I haven’t been as happy as I’d like to be. I know that life has ups and downs and we shouldn’t expect to be happy all the time, however, I do think that we have a certain level of control when it comes to our individual happiness. I read a book once that lists 5 things we should do each day to keep us happy: 🙂 Connect with those around you, and recogni

I’ve been thinking a lot about what topic I should blog about next. Every idea I get I dismiss. I don’t know enough about that subject...nobody wants to hear about that...I’m struggling to think of something that I think people will enjoy or relate to. I think I’ve become a bit too focused on the audience and their opinions which wasn’t meant to be the main focus of this exercise. I wanted to be able to just start writing down my thoughts and feelings and for it to be an open book... for people to read and comment on if they choose. I started this blog because I felt like there wasn’t enough people being honest and showing a true representation of their lives on social media. Yet I find myself reading and rereading my blogs to make sure I haven’t offended anyone... to make sure I don’t sound like I’m complaining too much... cutting out parts that I think people will judge me on. Basically editing my blog to make it picture perfect and exactly what I didn’t want it to be 😅 I’m sittin

I remember my first day of high school so clearly. Hair pulled back in a tight ponytail and wearing soccer shorts and sneakers (even though I wasn’t sporty 🤷‍♀️). I think I even had a nice big pimple on my face... ohh the joys of puberty 😂 I was excited but equally terrified. All of us new students were gathered together in the school gym. My best friends from primary school had gone to different high schools so I found myself desperately scanning the group for a familiar face. I spotted two girls I knew, so I gravitated towards them and they became my first high school friends. My first 2 years of high school I was very shy and reserved. I was a bit of a “nerd”, a straight A student. My two friends were more confident and had bigger personalities than me and we really didn’t have much in common...I found myself becoming quieter and shrinking even more. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I didn’t want to be known as “the shy girl”. As much as I wanted to change I just didn

Most (if not all) of you who know me will know that I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints (Mormon). Growing up,  I think I was the only Mormon at my school (besides my brothers). I wasn’t afraid or embarrassed to let people know, but I didn’t parade it around either. Especially as a teenager, being a member of the church and actively following my beliefs made me pretty “uncool” and I probably did stand out a bit because there were a lot of things that “everyone” was doing that I wasn’t.  I think for a lot of people who have grown up in religious families, those teenage years are really when you start to think for yourself and question your beliefs. Religious or not, its in our teenage years that we really begin to figure out who we are and what’s important to us. For me I think it was probably around the age of 15 that I “gained my testimony” which is a phrase used a lot at church but probably sounds strange to someone outside of it. Basically it means tha

I definitely don’t feel like I’m the best person to talk to about this subject 😂 I’ve never really known “what I want to be when I grow up”... except for being a mum. That was all I knew for sure. Over the years I’ve been interested in but haven’t properly pursued: 🔸Interior decorating 🔸Photography 🔸Childcare work 🔸Mental Health support work 🔸Teacher’s aide There are some people who just * know* what they want to do in life and what career they want to have and are so passionate and driven towards it and I am not one of those people. I feel as though I always change my mind and haven’t stuck it out with any of the above career paths. After having Oscar a question I’ve been asked a lot is “when will you go back to work?” My previous job as a receptionist at a Physio is probably not an option for me anymore so I have been thinking a lot about what comes next for me. What am I passionate about? What do I do well? What is something I will enjoy and feel satisfied doing? I kno

This week I had an in depth conversation with a good friend of mine on this topic so it felt fitting to blog about it while those thoughts are fresh in my mind...We talked about diets and losing weight, self love and body dysmorphia. This topic I imagine will be a touchy one for a lot of people, I know it definitely is for me! I think I’ve had issues with the way I look from as young as 9 or 10 but as I grew older the worse my self image became. I don’t think I could pin point the cause of it but the main focus of my dislike towards my body was my weight. In my mind I have always been overweight and “not skinny enough”. I was always envious of my friends who had slim figures and seemed to be able to eat whatever they pleased without any effect on their appearance. Whereas I could easily gain a few kilos a week without much effort. My weight has gone up and down like a yo-yo basically my whole life and it has had a huge effect on my self esteem. The times in my life where I’ve felt

For those of you who don’t know... I recently had a baby 😅 I wouldn’t say that I was naive but let’s just say it’s been so much harder than I thought it would be... I was fortunate to have a pretty easy pregnancy. I only threw up twice the entire time and besides the occasional aches and pains, constant bathroom trips and nighttime heartburn I really didn’t have much to complain about (I still did though 😂). Labour is no joke... there are no words to describe the pain of contractions and giving birth. I get flashbacks to that night in hospital and shudder thinking about it...but at the same time I am amazed at how my body was able to do such an amazing thing. Though my mind kept saying “I can’t do this,” my body just knew what to do and Oscar was born quickly and safely without many complications. I used to think that pregnancy and giving birth would be the hard parts (and for some women they are!) but for me it’s what came next that has been an absolute rollercoaster with the m

It’s 1am and I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to say concerning mental health. It’s something that I have strong feelings about and I really want these words to come out right. I want to start by saying that I personally have not been diagnosed with any mental illnesses and in saying that, I acknowledge that I cannot fully understand or relate to those that have. However throughout my life I have been surrounded by many who have and are experiencing mental illness in their lives. I have seen how life altering, consuming and heart breaking it can be. Those reading this post with a mental illness I want you to know that I genuinely care and feel for you and I hope those words don’t come across as patronising or condescending in any way. I’m actually starting to tear up as I’m writing this, that’s how much this topic means to me and how much I want to say the right thing. When I returned from my missionary service in the UK back in 2015, after the experiences

Let me just start by saying the length of this post depends on how much longer my baby will stay asleep 😅 Do people still blog? Is this still a thing? I’ve always wanted to write a blog but for one reason or another I’ve never gotten around to it until now. I think the main reason I’ve decided to start now is because of how different life is now I’m a mum. I spend most of my time at home with the baby and let’s be honest there isn’t a whole lot of interesting things to do at home with a 4 month old 😅 Life kind of feels a bit like ground hog day at the moment, so it’s good to try new things to mix it up a bit 🙃 I’ve always enjoyed writing in a journal and I guess blogging is kind of the same thing just for a bigger audience. It’s also a bit nerve wracking if people are going to read your journal you tend to edit your thoughts a lot more and try to sound a bit more eloquent (I’ve been hitting that backspace button more than I expected 😂) I’ve spent a LOT of time on social media