Jade.postpartum

What does mental health “recovery” mean to you? Is it a total absence of mental illness? I think that’s what I thought I would be able to achieve. However, I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen for me.  I feel that for me, recovery is learning how to manage my mental health. Taking care of myself physically and mentally so that I can try to stay within a range of moods that are manageable. I am slowly learning through trial and error what helps my mental health improve and what doesn’t. I’m trying to be gentle with myself because it’s inevitable that I will go backwards at times- recovery is not linear. It’s frustrating, it’s exhausting, but all I can do is keep trying. I had a wonderful getaway for my 30th birthday. Loved every minute of it, happiest I’d felt in a long time. Came home and pretty much had a mental breakdown.  I am finding motherhood so incredibly triggering because all of my suppressed emotions have come to the surface. Feelings need to be felt. If we don’t allow

Those of you who have been following my mental health journey will know that it has been a hell of a ride! Up and down, back and forth and everything in between! I started this year feeling optimistic, hopeful and ready to have a much better year than the last. However, it didn’t take long for the tide to turn and drag me under again.  We spent most of this year in lockdown. It was déjà vu, Groundhog Day, I couldn’t believe that we were back here in this hole. People living outside of Victoria may not quite understand what it feels like to live under such tight restrictions for the most part of two years.  I imagine there are some reading, rolling their eyes and thinking “It can’t be that bad”... and maybe for some it wasn’t...but if you, like me, were struggling with mental illness and forced to live in isolation then yes, it is that bad...it feels suffocating. Back in March I started on anti depression and anxiety meds and after a few tweaks to get the dosage right, I was feeling a s

  Things have been so up and down for me lately. It’s literally one good day, one bad day at the moment, not very balanced at all...But at least I am having good days though right?!  🤪 Today is a good day. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping a happy, familiar tune. I’ve got the doors and windows open and a refreshing breeze is sweeping through my nice tidy house.  *Ahhh bliss* I know it won’t stay tidy for long but it’s nice to enjoy it in this moment  😅 I’m reading an interesting book at the moment called “The Happiness Trap”. I’m only a few chapters in, but it’s quite fascinating. It’s about a mindfulness approach called ACT or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. This is quite different to the popular CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy).  CBT is a form of therapy that focuses on identifying negative and destructive thoughts and behaviours and changing/replacing them with positive ones.  ACT on the other hand, proposes that instead of trying to fight against these thoughts, yo

  I’ve really been struggling with my mental health these past few weeks. Living with anxiety and depression is exhausting. I don’t even have to be *doing* a lot, just *being* takes up so much of my energy. My when my mental health is bad I get triggered a LOT, and it doesn’t take much to tip me over the edge. It’s an obvious sign to me that when I’m getting triggered more than usual it probably means I need more help. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a new psychologist. I’m hoping that talking to someone different, with a fresh perspective and new ideas is just what I need. The psychologist I have been seeing previously has been very helpful to me. However, it feels like I got to a certain point and then I stopped progressing. I knew it was time to move on.  I know it can take a little while to find the right fit when it comes to therapy. Fingers crossed this one is a good match, because mental illness only gets worse when you don’t have the right support. In the meantime, it has b

Intuition, conscience, guidance, gut-feeling... Which ever way you choose to describe this phenomenon, it is essentially the same thing. I have had many experiences in my life where I have been guided by this feeling; Moments where my mind and heart have felt inspired by something greater than myself. I believe that this guidance is from God. That those feelings come from the Holy Spirit. The idea that I am watched over by a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan for me just feels right. These are my beliefs, but I am absolutely open to and accepting of other people’s beliefs. I would never say to someone that I was right and they were wrong. I love to hear what others believe in and what the meaning of life is to them.  Rather than focus on differences, I like to find the commonalities within our beliefs. I have a good friend who, like me, enjoys talking about these kinds of things. We have very different beliefs, but there are so many things that we agree on. There are a lot of negati

The other day I had the rare opportunity to just sit still in the quiet without any distractions.   It didn’t take long for me to feel a wave of emotion and I started to cry. I realised through this experience that too often I turn to things to distract me from my feelings. The most common distraction being my phone. It is so easy to just pick up the phone and start scrolling. Thus pushing those uncomfortable feelings down where I don’t have to deal with them. It’s not healthy.  Feelings need to be felt.  If we suppress them, they will make their way out eventually in a more dramatic way.  To be able to sit with the uncomfortable feelings, feel them and express them is so important.  Feelings are not bad.  This is something that might be hard for us to accept, especially if we were brought up being punished for expressing “negative” emotions. Think about it...  How common is it for children to be scolded or sent to time out for “naughty” behaviour like throwing a tantrum. This sends th

“If you don’t make time for your wellness, you will be forced to take time for your illness”.  I don’t know who said this quote, but I think it’s pretty spot on.  It is quite obvious when it comes to physical health, but I think it is equally true for mental health. I can only speak from my own experience, but I really notice the difference when I am actively doing things to take care of my mental health, and when I am not. As I mentioned in my last post, I am an HSP or highly sensitive person. As an HSP, I get easily overstimulated and overwhelmed.  It is so important for me to have time by myself- to calm my nervous system, rest and recharge. If I do not get this downtime (and it’s hard to come by as a mother!) there is a real decline in my mental health and my ability to “carry on”.  When I do get this time to myself, I feel so much better. My cup is refilled and I have the physical and mental energy I need to face the day. The struggles I have faced postpartum have caused me to tur

Have you heard of HSP? I’m not talking about Halal Snack Packs 😂 HSP or Highly Sensitive Person is a term used to describe those people who have an increased sensitivity to physical and emotional stimuli. Everything I have read about HSP feels like an exact description of me. I never realised these things were connected.   There are pros and cons about being highly sensitive.  HSPs are wonderful friends because of how in tune they are to other’s feelings. They are great listeners and often give good advice.  However, they are easily offended and don’t take criticism well. HSPs make great employees because of their attention to detail, and they complete tasks to high standard.  Jobs that involve deadlines and quotas may mean they do not perform as well because of how sensitive they are to stress. They are often creative and wise because of how deeply they think and feel. But they are prone to anxiety and depression for the same reasons. Becoming a parent has really emphasised the negat

 It’s been a while! Just wanted to write an update on how things are going at the moment. I’m happy to say that overall I am feeling better than I have in a long time.  A few weeks ago we upped the dose of my medication and I could feel a difference straight away. What a relief! The medication doesn’t make me feel “happy all the time”...I now feel like I am starting the day at a neutral level rather than empty and depleted if that makes sense. The postpartum mental health support group I created on Instagram is going really well. It’s been so good for me to have a project to work on, something I am passionate about. It’s also been so lovely to hear positive feedback from members of the group 🥰 Last week I had my first big dip since being on the up. When it was announced that we were going back into lockdown I was very triggered. All the feelings from last year came flooding back and I was a mess. I met with my psychologist and she was able to calm me down and help me see that I have g

This week I met up with a friend of mine at the park. In between chasing after our little ones, we talked a bit about the unrealistic expectations we had of motherhood before having kids.  Both of us grew up in the church and would only really hear the positives from others...how wonderful and fulfilling it is to be a mother, how we would experience joy like no other, etc...I would sometimes hear mothers joke about lack of sleep and children who didn’t listen, but it was never something anyone talked much about... As I grew older and had friends with children, I was able to see a little more what life is like as a mother, but even being around other mothers and their children didn’t prepare me for what life is *really* like as a mum.  It’s almost like it’s this big secret that we have to keep to ourselves. If we admit how much we struggle, it means we are *ungrateful*. We should never complain because this is what we *signed up for*. I do think that having postnatal depression and anxi

Insomnia, headaches, excessive sweating and diarrhea. These are some of the side effects I’ve been experiencing since starting medication for my anxiety and depression. 🙃 The insomnia is what has lead me to writing a blog post at 4am.  My thoughts tend to be deep and reflective when I’m wide awake at this time of morning. At the forefront of my mind is the question: “Is the medication working?” I can’t say I’ve seen a huge difference, but to be honest I don’t really know what to expect. This is all new to me... Going on medication was a last resort. I’ve been seeing a psychologist and trying my hardest to just “get through to the other side”. I felt like I had tried everything else and things were still not getting better. I was apprehensive, I was scared. I asked a few people I knew who were on medication and they helped me to see the benefits and encouraged me to make that decision. It’s not like I suddenly feel full of sunshine and rainbows, but I do think things are slowly startin

 I’m frustrated with myself.  As my last post indicated, I started the year happy, hopeful and progressing... The last few weeks however, I feel like I’ve gone backwards.  Melbourne went into lockdown again (Thankfully for only 5 days this time!) and I feel like I just fell into a hole when that happened. Oscar was sick for pretty much the whole lockdown which didn’t help and definitely contributed to my low mood... but I don’t know, something just snapped and it was like the “everything is ok” facade that I was so determined to uphold slipped and broke. All of a sudden I was just a big old emotional mess again.  I’ll admit I did wallow in it for those 5 days. Healthy eating and exercise was replaced with slothfulness and over-eating. I felt overwhelmed with sadness and flooded with all those negative thoughts and feelings that I’ve been working so hard to overcome.  It was awful. I felt out of control. I didn’t want to stay in this headspace and I needed help. I prayed for comfort. I

 I’m back!  I thought that maybe I would stop blogging because I felt like not many people were reading my entries. I tend to get a bit funny with things like that sometimes... I start to overthink it and worry about silly things...Actually I overthink and worry about silly things in all aspects of my life to be honest 🙃😅  The thing is though that I do enjoy writing and it shouldn’t really matter how many people are reading along. I’m going to keep doing it for me...it’s a bonus if others get something out of it too 😊 So welcome back regular readers! And hello to any new ones 😊  I have started 2021 with a determination to make this year better than the last. To really work on myself and my happiness and I’m pleased to say- so far, so good!  The things that have helped me the most so far in this process of “working on myself” are: 1. Seeing a psychologist  2. Going back to work  3. Exercising and being more mindful about what I’m eating Honestly seeing a psychologist has been one of