Let’s be honest

This week I met up with a friend of mine at the park. In between chasing after our little ones, we talked a bit about the unrealistic expectations we had of motherhood before having kids. 

Both of us grew up in the church and would only really hear the positives from others...how wonderful and fulfilling it is to be a mother, how we would experience joy like no other, etc...I would sometimes hear mothers joke about lack of sleep and children who didn’t listen, but it was never something anyone talked much about...

As I grew older and had friends with children, I was able to see a little more what life is like as a mother, but even being around other mothers and their children didn’t prepare me for what life is *really* like as a mum. 

It’s almost like it’s this big secret that we have to keep to ourselves. If we admit how much we struggle, it means we are *ungrateful*. We should never complain because this is what we *signed up for*.

I do think that having postnatal depression and anxiety does make it feel harder...

When you’re constantly anxious and depressed, your ability to “enjoy every moment” and “soak it all in” is dramatically decreased. You’re in survival mode, just trying to make it through each day and keep your baby alive and happy. If you have enough energy and motivation to look after yourself, your partner and the household too - you’re doing well.

I used to think that it was just me- that I was in the minority - in my struggles with motherhood... but the more I speak up, the more others open up to me about their similar feelings. 

I can’t tell you how much it helps to know it’s not just me...

I thought that once I became a mother I would be the happiest version of myself because it was all I ever wanted... It’s been absolutely heartbreaking to come to terms with my reality when I’ve dreamed about this idyllic, maternal bliss my whole life.

I’m not saying I don’t enjoy being a mother. I do, of course I do. My heart is full of love for my son and he makes me smile like no one else can. But being a mother is not all sunshine and rainbows, it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do...

It requires strength you didn’t know you had within you. You’ll hit rock bottom...many times... and question everything you know about everything. You will break into a million pieces- but when you put yourself together again you will be stronger, wiser, softer, kinder and better than before. 

It’s a difficult process and I’m still in the thick of it, but one thing is for sure- mothers- we need eachother! We need to really *be there* for new mums, let them know they’re not alone and that it’s ok to ask for help! Instead of giving *advice* just listen and validate her. Remember: 

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never.”

It’s nearly been 2 years since I became a mother and I’ve been through a lot. A lot of it I’ve had to walk alone - not because I don’t have support, but because there’s only so much others can do when they can’t see the battles I face in my own mind. 

When you’re dealing with mental illness you have to be gentle and forgiving with yourself. It’s not going to get better overnight. You will make progress at times and go backwards at times. But you’re stronger than you think because it takes a lot of strength to carry heavy burdens. 

We all have our struggles, and it’s ok to admit them. For me, opening up and being honest about it all helps me a lot. Your responses have helped me to feel less alone and more “normal” I hope that I can help others too by sharing my story ❤️