The highs and lows of having a baby

For those of you who don’t know... I recently had a baby 😅
I wouldn’t say that I was naive but let’s just say it’s been so much harder than I thought it would be...

I was fortunate to have a pretty easy pregnancy. I only threw up twice the entire time and besides the occasional aches and pains, constant bathroom trips and nighttime heartburn I really didn’t have much to complain about (I still did though 😂).
Labour is no joke... there are no words to describe the pain of contractions and giving birth. I get flashbacks to that night in hospital and shudder thinking about it...but at the same time I am amazed at how my body was able to do such an amazing thing. Though my mind kept saying “I can’t do this,” my body just knew what to do and Oscar was born quickly and safely without many complications.
I used to think that pregnancy and giving birth would be the hard parts (and for some women they are!) but for me it’s what came next that has been an absolute rollercoaster with the most extreme highs and lows I have ever experienced.

Before I get into those highs and lows I wanted to address those who may be reading who long to have a baby and for whatever reason haven’t been able to... I don’t mean to come across as complaining or ungrateful... I used to hate hearing mums complain about their kids when my heart was desperately longing to have my own baby. I know what it feels like and I understand if this post upsets you...I just wanted to say I get it and I’m also sorry for making you feel that way 😔 I will say though if I could go back in time, I would try to enjoy the single life more than I did. I spent so much time feeling upset and wishing that my circumstances were different... longing to be married with children instead of making the most of my single years. Don’t get me wrong, marriage and children are wonderful things, but so is being single and having time to yourself to do whatever your heart desires. Easier said than done though right? Hard to control those feelings especially when it seems like everyone around you is getting married and having children...Life does have a way of working out though. It’s not til we look back in hindsight that we realise how important each stage of life is and that each trial we go through can bring us greater strength and deeper joy if we let it.

After that reflection this may sound a bit trivial or “first world problems” 😅 but this is my reality at the moment and when you’re sleep deprived the hard things seem much harder than they should be...
Which brings me to the number one hardest part of having a baby for me (so far 😂)
SLEEP! or should I say LACK OF 😭
Some parents are blessed with children who after the first few weeks or months (where they need to be fed every few hours) start sleeping through the night... or at least for a good chunk of the night 😅 I was not one of them 😂
My goodness we’ve had a rough ride with getting Oscar to sleep! When you haven’t slept in days you will try almost anything to get more sleep and you name it we’ve tried it! I was convinced there was something wrong with him... on the worst nights he would wake every. single. hour 🙃 Every doctor,  nurse, and mum would tell me something different...we thought maybe silent reflux? Maybe food intolerances? Colic? A lot of people told me it was normal and he would grow out of it... He’s 5 months now and he doesn’t sleep through the night but he is doing a lot better thank goodness!

Physically and mentally I experienced a lot of challenges. I had an episiotomy and tearing which has taken a long time to heal. Infections, hormonal acne, back spasms and difficulty breastfeeding. My mental health was probably the worst it’s ever been...those sleepless nights would really mess with my head and emotions. To those women who have had post natal depression, I feel for you I really do... I honestly feel like I had a little taste of it and it was awful...so I can’t imagine how much harder it would be to feel that way every day 😩

I want to finish on a happy note 😅
Yes having a baby is challenging but it’s also the best thing I’ve ever done. There was a moment after giving birth, after I had showered and Oscar was wrapped up in my arms and I just held him and sobbed. The most overwhelming feeling washed over me. There he was. My son. The answer to my prayers. Oh how I had longed for this moment. My heart was full to bursting. I will never forget that moment. It was the first of many. I could be having the worst day, exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed... then Oscar will look at me and smile and I feel it again. That feeling fills me up and helps me to get through the challenges of each day. It gives me purpose and perspective beyond my own wants and needs.

I feel so blessed to be Oscar’s mother. I hope and pray that I will be a good mother. That Oscar will continue to grow up healthy and strong. That he will feel happy and safe and loved. Time really has passed so quickly and I want to enjoy these days as much as I can because soon he will be grown and won’t need me like he does now.

Having a baby has broken me down but also made me stronger and filled me with a love like no other...

A mother’s love ❤️