Jade.postpartum

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. My most recent diagnosis has been weighing heavy on me, it’s been a tough few months… “I think you have bipolar disorder,” The psychiatrist announced during our first session back in July. The words echoed in my ears as I left her office and got back into the car. As soon as I shut the door, I just broke down…sobbing uncontrollably for the whole drive home.  The diagnosis made sense. It was relieving to finally have answers…but I was frustrated…Why was this not picked up sooner?! Why did it have to take 3 years?  Those 3 years were harder than I ever could have imagined…not a day went by that I wasn’t consumed by the internal battle in my mind. Mental illness is such a difficult thing to explain…especially to someone who hasn’t experienced it….it’s so much more than just a “bad day” or a “hard time”, and it certainly isn’t something you choose!  Quotes and platitudes such as: “You’re as happy as you make up your mind to be…” are insult...

I can’t believe it’s almost June! Time flies when you're having...well I haven't really been having much fun lately, but time is still flying! 😅 My blog must sound like a broken record by this point...I'll be "doing well" for a few weeks, then I will inevitably feel as though I've fallen down a hole again. I'm back in the hole right now. My depression feels heavier than it has been in a long time. I struggle to leave the house some days. I withdraw, stuck in a loop of sad, sorry stories I've told myself so often that I've convinced myself they are true. "Nobody loves you" "Nobody cares about you" "You're a terrible mum" "Oscar deserves so much better than you" "You're a failure"...The critical voice inside my head is relentless and unforgiving, continuously kicking me when I'm down. It's incredibly frustrating to be so self-aware, yet feel so paralyzed at the same time... To "k...

I seem to be stuck in a cycle… I’ll be “on top of things” ticking off my to-do list, feeling like things are finally starting to “get better”… Then I start slipping into familiar, unhelpful patterns and get I stuck there, feeling weighed down by life and like nobody understands me or knows how to support me. I’ve put a lot of time, effort and money into trying all sorts of therapies, methods and products that are intended to help me “heal”: Psychologists, life coaches, self-help books, medications, herbal medicines, journallin g, affirmations, yoga & meditation- I feel like I’ve tried everything! But nothing really sticks.  Some things help for a while but I inevitably “give up” and slide right back to where I was at the beginning. It’s incredibly frustrating. It’s hard for me to see any progress when I keep going round in circles.  I know that recovery is a life long journey, that there’s not a “magic pill” that will solve my problems, but it’s hard not to feel discourage...

Sleep has been one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced since becoming a mother. Oscar has always been very wakeful and only started “sleeping through the night” at 2 years old. Even now, process of “going to sleep” is still something that does not come easy for us. Bringing up the topic of sleep is almost certain to result in suggestions such as: books, schedules, white noise, black-out blinds, “loveys”, sleep sacks, and all kinds of “techniques”. When you’re desperate for sleep, you’re bound to try all the tools and “tricks” out there that promise to have your child “sleeping like a baby”. But the truth is baby sleep IS supposed to be wakeful! This is biologically normal and not something you can “train” them not to do. Just as we cannot teach our children to walk before they are developmentally ready, we can’t get them “sleeping through” before they are ready. They all get there in their own time, and until that happens it’s important for us as parents to respond to our children as ...

For those of you that don’t know, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (commonly known as “Mormon”). Growing up, we said prayers, read scriptures and went to church every Sunday. I never questioned it, it’s just what we did.  I attended all the church classes; including early morning seminary in my teens and evening institute as a young adult.  I then served a mission at the age of 21. For those unfamiliar with the term, a mission is voluntary service for the church. I was assigned to the North-West of England and Wales for a period of 18 months. My mission was one of the most unique and profound experiences of my life.  The purpose of a mission is to “Invite others to come unto Christ”. This is not an easy thing to do,  and as an introvert, I was very much out my comfort zone. I learned not to judge people by their appearance; some of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met were those who looked a bit rough around the edges.  I also ...

2022! What a year so far!? We spent Christmas in Adelaide with my family then we were off to Woolongong to visit Grandma Beryl. Travelling with children is exhausting, so two trips back to back probably wasn’t the smartest idea! Oscar is such a sensitive little guy, easily overwhelmed and overstimulated (much like his mama!). Travelling comes with a lot of changes, and it was easy to see that this was quite distressing for him. He gets very upset and clingy, and communication (which he is normally good at) becomes difficult.  The older that Oscar gets, the more signs I am seeing that point towards ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). Speaking with some friends who also have children on the spectrum has been helpful and validating, and we have started taking the steps to get him properly assessed. If I’m completely honest, it all feels a bit too much for me to process at the moment. I think that when you become a parent, you just want to shield your child from anything that might make li...