It’s 1:30am and I should be sleeping But I’m wide awake with a million thoughts buzzing around in my head I thought I’d dust off the old blog and type it all out…I enjoy sharing these things with the world Every now and then I scroll back on my old posts and read what “past Jade” had to say about life. I did that this evening and a peculiar thing happened…I feel like it woke up parts of my brain that hadn’t been used for a while… hear me out here, I’m not going cuckoo I swear 😅 “Past Jade” saw the world differently to “Present Jade”. She was a little more naive and optimistic; her thoughts were lighter, happier, more grateful, more spiritual. “Present Jade” seems to be stuck in some unhelpful and unpleasant thought patterns. Life feels heavy and I often feel overwhelmed and unenthused…focused on my problems, not my blessings. Looking back on my life through “Past Jade’s” eyes made me think about things a little differently; challenging the gloomy and self-deprecating thoughts that
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. My most recent diagnosis has been weighing heavy on me, it’s been a tough few months… “I think you have bipolar disorder,” The psychiatrist announced during our first session back in July. The words echoed in my ears as I left her office and got back into the car. As soon as I shut the door, I just broke down…sobbing uncontrollably for the whole drive home. The diagnosis made sense. It was relieving to finally have answers…but I was frustrated…Why was this not picked up sooner?! Why did it have to take 3 years? Those 3 years were harder than I ever could have imagined…not a day went by that I wasn’t consumed by the internal battle in my mind. Mental illness is such a difficult thing to explain…especially to someone who hasn’t experienced it….it’s so much more than just a “bad day” or a “hard time”, and it certainly isn’t something you choose! Quotes and platitudes such as: “You’re as happy as you make up your mind to be…” are insulting to those s