Sleep has been one of the biggest challenges I’ve faced since becoming a mother. Oscar has always been very wakeful and only started “sleeping through the night” at 2 years old. Even now, process of “going to sleep” is still something that does not come easy for us.
Bringing up the topic of sleep is almost certain to result in suggestions such as: books, schedules, white noise, black-out blinds, “loveys”, sleep sacks, and all kinds of “techniques”.
When you’re desperate for sleep, you’re bound to try all the tools and “tricks” out there that promise to have your child “sleeping like a baby”. But the truth is baby sleep IS supposed to be wakeful! This is biologically normal and not something you can “train” them not to do. Just as we cannot teach our children to walk before they are developmentally ready, we can’t get them “sleeping through” before they are ready. They all get there in their own time, and until that happens it’s important for us as parents to respond to our children as they wake through the night.
Sleep training advice tells us we must teach our babies to “self soothe”. However, this is not physically possible for babies to do because that part of their brain is not developed enough yet. Our children learn to “self soothe” or regulate their emotions through repeatedly being soothed by us.
I’m a big fan of the saying: “each to their own,” because we are all so different and what works for one won’t necessarily work for another. When it comes to sleep training though, I no longer feel comfortable using that phrase. I don’t judge those who have sleep trained...trust me, I get it...sleep deprivation is horrendous- you gotta do what you gotta do to get sleep, but....
Over the past 2 years I have studied and learned a LOT about infant sleep, attachment and mental health. The Beyond Sleep Training Project is an excellent resource and I highly recommend it to all parents who struggle with sleep. Despite how challenging it is to have a wakeful baby and to live off broken sleep- leaving a baby to cry is NOT the solution.
Sleep training is a billion-dollar industry that profits off vulnerable, sleep-deprived parents. It is an industry built on misinformation and false promises, not to mention the impact it has on breastfeeding, attachment and mental health.
I don’t have a problem with parents who have sleep trained their children.
What I DO have a problem with are the health professionals, services and “experts” that are still recommending these practices despite all the information we now have that highlights how problematic sleep training is.
Every bone in my body screamed at me to stop and pick up my baby as we attempted to follow sleep training advice. I was left to cry myself to sleep as a child and I still carry that trauma with me today. You cannot tell me that is false because that trauma is triggered within me every time I hear my son cry.
If something feels wrong- it probably is. Trust your instincts not the “sleep experts”.
We can do better. Our children need us to do better.
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