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Those little moments that make everything worth it

Today was rough.
Saturday has become the day of the week I look forward to most. I’ve started a yoga class and I’m really enjoying it (mostly enjoying the hour and a half to myself to be honest 😅). So it was a good start to the day but after picking up Oscar from his Grandma’s it all went downhill.
 Jordan usually finishes work early on Saturday which is another thing I look forward to...Not today 😩 I don’t know why but absolutely everything was upsetting Oscar today. Nothing I did was good enough. Breastfeeding is usually the one thing that will always calm him down but even that wasn’t enough today. 
It. was. Driving. Me. Crazy! 🤪

Jordan finally comes home...hallelujah! Pass him the baby! 😂 Baby is happy for a short amount of time while I shower then back to being upset 😩 
I’m trying to keep it together because we had planned to go out for dinner (cheat meal after eating healthy all week! 🥳) So I’m going through my wardrobe looking for something nice to wear and NOTHING FITS! And that’s the straw that breaks the camels back. I crumple into a blubbering heap. It all feels too much and I’m over it. Don’t want to go out anymore, it’s too hard. 

When I finally compose myself and find something to wear that fits Jordan suggests going to his parents’ and ordering in... that way we still get to eat something nice and his parents can take Oscar off our hands for a bit. Sounded good to me so off we went. 
After the initial  excitement of saying hello to their favourite baby,  everyone went back to what they were doing and It was just me and Oscar again. I just wanted to run away from everything! I wasn’t in a good head space. When I get upset, I REALLY get upset! Like...everything that upsets me comes bubbling to the surface. So I’m sitting there frustrated that I’m not getting a break from baby... feeling like a rubbish mum because I’m struggling... sick to death of hearing about corona virus...missing my family... missing one on one time with Jordan... just EVERYTHING all at once...

But then Jordan’s family comes back into the room and start doting on Oscar again like they always do. Aunty Lucy giving him cuddles and Grandpa making him laugh. Grandma takes Oscar over to the piano, sits with him and starts to play. As I watch them I start to feel a bit silly. A bit over-dramatic. A feeling of peace and love comes over me and everything that was upsetting me slips away. It’s so hard being away from my family, especially after having Oscar, I miss them more than ever. But tonight I felt grateful for my second family. I always call them “Jordan’s family” but they are also my family and have welcomed me and made me feel at home from day 1. 

I know I sound like I’m complaining a lot about being a mother but I’m just being honest. It can be so so hard sometimes. I’m so grateful to have a loving and supportive husband and family to help me out and for moments like tonight watching grandma play piano with Oscar... where everything feels right in the world again ❤️

Comments

  1. KatarinaMarch 8, 2020 at 3:43 AM

    Your feelings are compleletly validated. You are not silly! There are reasons why you are upset and it is okay to feel that way. That doesn't mean you are not grateful for everything and everyone you have, it just means that you aren't okay in that moment and you need a little help. We all do. I do and I am not even a mom or wife. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JadeMarch 8, 2020 at 7:43 AM

      Thanks Katarina 😌
      Love you so much! ❤️

      Delete
  2. Twitter Qrstuv_RileyMarch 12, 2020 at 12:32 AM

    While we also miss not having you here with us, it is great to know that you are in good hands with Jordan and his family. That photo of Oscar with his grandma is brilliant <3

    ReplyDelete

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