Again I find myself putting off writing another blog entry because I want to be feeling better before doing so...However, I find that writing out my thoughts and feelings does help me to feel (at least a bit) better, especially somewhere others can read if they choose. It helps me to feel like someone is listening and your responses really have helped me to feel that I’m not alone in my struggles.
I know I’m not alone, I know I have supportive people around me who are there for me if I need them...I do want to say though that when I’m hurting, when I’m feeling down and in a spiral of negative thoughts, one of the most constant and re-occurring thoughts (lies) that keeps playing in my head is... “nobody cares about you” It’s like a horrible song playing in the background that I can’t figure out how to turn off. I can distract myself, keep busy and do things so I can’t hear that background music but when I’m alone with my thoughts again it plays loudly and it’s consuming...
As I’m writing this I’m so tempted to just delete it all because I feel ashamed... I feel as though I’m coming across as attention-seeking and annoying...but if there are people reading who think this about me, maybe you can just stop reading. I wanted to write these blogs to be real and for me this is as real as it gets. I recognise that my mental health isn’t the best at the moment and despite my best efforts I haven’t been able to “fix myself” so, starting with my Doctors appointment next week, I hope I can get the help I need to start feeling myself again.
Writing this makes me feel uncomfortable but I really do think it’s important to talk about these things. Despite how common mental illness is there is still so much misunderstanding... there are still cultures and people who don’t “believe” in mental illness...people who think you can “pray it away” or “snap out of it” would you ever say the same to someone with a visible physical illness? Is it any wonder why so many just keep it to themselves?
I have seen improvements over the past few years... more people speaking up including celebrities and prominent figures...there’s more awareness with campaigns like RU okay day and other mental health programs. I hope that people will continue to talk about it. That it will become normalised and part of every day conversation. It is incredibly personal and difficult to talk about but there are so many of us going through the same/ similar things. My hope is that we can find comfort, empathy and solidarity with each other, rather than feeling like we are suffering alone. We’re not alone even if that song in the background tells us we are. I hope that with some help I can change that background music to a happier tune ð
Thanks for reading xx
I know I’m not alone, I know I have supportive people around me who are there for me if I need them...I do want to say though that when I’m hurting, when I’m feeling down and in a spiral of negative thoughts, one of the most constant and re-occurring thoughts (lies) that keeps playing in my head is... “nobody cares about you” It’s like a horrible song playing in the background that I can’t figure out how to turn off. I can distract myself, keep busy and do things so I can’t hear that background music but when I’m alone with my thoughts again it plays loudly and it’s consuming...
As I’m writing this I’m so tempted to just delete it all because I feel ashamed... I feel as though I’m coming across as attention-seeking and annoying...but if there are people reading who think this about me, maybe you can just stop reading. I wanted to write these blogs to be real and for me this is as real as it gets. I recognise that my mental health isn’t the best at the moment and despite my best efforts I haven’t been able to “fix myself” so, starting with my Doctors appointment next week, I hope I can get the help I need to start feeling myself again.
Writing this makes me feel uncomfortable but I really do think it’s important to talk about these things. Despite how common mental illness is there is still so much misunderstanding... there are still cultures and people who don’t “believe” in mental illness...people who think you can “pray it away” or “snap out of it” would you ever say the same to someone with a visible physical illness? Is it any wonder why so many just keep it to themselves?
I have seen improvements over the past few years... more people speaking up including celebrities and prominent figures...there’s more awareness with campaigns like RU okay day and other mental health programs. I hope that people will continue to talk about it. That it will become normalised and part of every day conversation. It is incredibly personal and difficult to talk about but there are so many of us going through the same/ similar things. My hope is that we can find comfort, empathy and solidarity with each other, rather than feeling like we are suffering alone. We’re not alone even if that song in the background tells us we are. I hope that with some help I can change that background music to a happier tune ð
Thanks for reading xx
Hi Jade - the book by Russ Harris, called 'The Happiness Trap'considers many of the points you discuss, and I particularly like his treatment of unwanted thoughts - He suggests using an interesting technique called 'Thank your mind' - Check out the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=206WtwEyqzg
ReplyDeleteLove - Dad
Thanks Dad, Love you
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